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Slap That Kid

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posted by Jay on September 14th, 2009 at 8:00 PM

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Traveling the world has many advantages and very many drawbacks. While traveling you become accustom to some of the funny things that you see. Seeing a women come out of the restroom on an airplane with her dress tucked into her panty hose and some toilet paper stuck to her shoe, is honestly common place. I donít think that would make my face even turn red. I donít wear a lot of dresses.
While waiting in the departure lounge at London Heathrow Airport, I passed the time by reading a Playboy Joke Book. It was a thick book and had some good jokes, open anywhere. There was this little kid that was with his mother also waiting on the flight to Aberdeen, Scotland where I lived. This kid would look right at me and start laughing uncontrollably. His mother couldnít do anything to control this kidís laughter. She is really scolding this kid but he canít quit laughing at me. He is at least 10 years old and should know better. She ought to ďSlap That KidĒ. How rude, I am not very pretty but why this? Iíve seen some beauty challenged folks worse than me. I decided to go to the restroom and see if I have pizza on my face or something. Maybe I can fix what this kid is laughing about. My travels have taken me from a drillship in middle of the Indian Ocean, via helicopter to Port Louis, Mauritius. An Air France 747 was great to fly. While crossing the Equator, Champagne for all, what a way to go! We flew from Mauritius to Reunion then on to Nairobi, Kenya and on to Charles DeGaulle Airport in Paris, France where I had some pizza while standing at the bar. I had to change planes in Paris to British Airways and on to London. Iím nearly home, Iím sun tanned, well fed and I am rested. I slept all night on the Air France flight after the Champagne. Happy Valley here I come! The Happy Valley was the OilFieldTrash Bar in Aberdeen, Scotland. If you were young, the Happy Valley was your best bet to run into some friends to party with. If you were in town, you must go to the Happy Valley. I cannot wait, Iím looking good. My hair is long and I havenít been home in three months. Itís party time! Well, I canít find anything wrong with the way I look. I am a snappy dresser and fun to talk to. As I return to the departure lounge, the only place for me to sit was the same place that I had previously had, within eye range of the kid. She ought to ďSlap That KidĒ, he fell out laughing, when I sat down. I didnít have to sit there very long. The flight was called and I headed for Aberdeen with this kid in tow. Laughing all the way, he couldnít help it, he has lost control. The flight only takes a little over an hour. Aberdeen is a city made of granite. Along Union Street, downtown, the big yellow street lights that you see while landing welcomes you back home. Happy Valley, here I come. The old Dyce Airport left something to be desired in boomtown Scotland. While waiting for my luggage, she Slapped That Kid, repeatedly, she had him by the collar and was beating this kid about the head and shoulders furiously. It was so bad everybody was looking. It seemed that she had just flipped out on this kid. He couldnít take his eyes off of me and he never stopped laughing at me. At first I felt a little sorry for him that his mother would beat him like this in public. He would not stop laughing. I took my luggage and took a cab home. I left that rude little kid to be beat up by his mother, hoping that she would draw blood out of him. Anyway, Happy Valley, here I come. Iíll go home, get cleaned up and hit town like Gang Busters. The Scottish girls were going to love my tan. I pulled my pants off and found that they were ripped from the belt loop to the bottom of the zipper. I had been gapped open like a two dollar suitcase. It must have happened while I was asleep on the Air France flight. I walked all over the airport in Paris and in London with the whole rear end out of my britches. There is no way to know how many people saw my butt hanging out. It sure made me happy and proud to find out what that kid was laughing about.

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