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Diary of a Dubai Summer

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posted by Jay on September 14th, 2009 at 8:11 PM

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April 30st:
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Dubai, UAE! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

May 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 105 today. Not a problem. Live in an air- conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

May 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

June 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 105 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Whiskers and cat do do. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged 500 Dirhams +/- $ 135.00 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody 2,000,000 Dirhams +/- $ 536,193 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

August 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost 2,000 Dirhams and gets the temperature down to 80, but the bloody humidity makes the house feel like it's about 90. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid place.

August 8th:
If another wise guy cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to throttle him. Heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

August 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my butt was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my butt. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried butt, and baked cat.

August 10th:
The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and freak段n sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 whole months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this place? Water rationing will be next, so my 5,000 Dirhams worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the freak段n pool. Even the palms can't live in this freak段n heat.

August 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 135 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the 7,000 Dirham mortgage payment to bail my butt out of jail for assaulting the stupid freak段n Paki Bastard. F#@* Dubai! What kind of a sick demented freak段n idiot would want to live in this hole?

August 15th:
Cool here in the airport, I知 going back to Texas.


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